Trying to Keep Both Eyes on The Ball

Houston, we have a slight problem.  A little over two weeks ago I awoke with a flickering flash in my right eye.  It was just off to the side and had little impact on my round of golf that day.

About a week later, and a little bit more obstruction in my eye, I played two rounds of golf with my in-laws, but refused to succumb to the displeasure I was experiencing, at least for the second 18 anyway.  During my first round I encountered a range of emotions.  On one hole I'd hit a great shot, only to struggle as I looked down on my ball for the next.  This didn't necessarily affect the shot, but it would remind me of what I was dealing with, which in turn had an effect on my psyche for the next shot.  Needless to say I didn't play well.  

After another week, as the light in my eye increased with intensity, I decided to visit an optometrist and was told of liquid leaking behind my retina and that if it reached my macula - the part of the eye responsible for seeing - I'd have a problem.  

Well, I'm sad to report that it has, and in doing so, has entirely blurred the vision in my right eye.  And as of this past Sunday, has officially affected my ability to play golf.

Perhaps in denial of my issue, I to hit the range for a few hours of iron work.  

About 15 balls in I realized I'd made a huge mistake.  I contemplated returning the buckets I'd purchased, but instead pressed on.  The ball stood near my feet, but my inability to have any depth perception made it appear closer (or farther) than it was. (If you want to understand how I see the world right now, cross one eye and leave the other straight.)

At first I couldn't believe it was my eye causing the shanking to occur.  I passed it off as some mechanical flaw and worked on fixing it.  But as my shots continued to be offline, and my frustration grew, the session spiraled out of control.  Maybe it was a mechanical issue, but not being able to clearly see the ball confused my common sense to the point where I worried about my grip, left elbow, weight distribution, top hand through, eye on the ball, etc.  Was it my eye or my game?  

I finally came to a conclusion: even if it was my game, I couldn't play golf again until I my vision returned to normal.  To me, It made no sense to play a game that requires so much emotional stability with a mind that had none.  The irony of it all is that I approached this practice with an enormous amount of confidence.   

By the end, though, I felt discouraged, resentful, embarrassed, sorry for myself, uninspired, and concerned that I'd never play golf again, let alone see. (I know.  I need some perspective to comprehend it not being the end of the world.  But taking away my ability to play golf is, well, think of your absolute passion in life and imagine it being robbed from you.)  

Truthfully, I'm not sure what's bothering me more.  My eye or the idea that I'll have to regain the form I've attained to this point.  I feel as though, because my session was filled with utter nonsense, the blow my confidence took is going to have more of an impact on my game than my eye will, at least in the short term.

But then again I'm really not thinking clearly right now.  I know one thing: you really take for granted how vital both eyes are when hitting a golf ball.  When watching the pros play now, it's all I can think about.

As for my game, from the time I left the range to the point you read this now, all that keeps playing over and over in my mind is my ball dashing off to the right, and the feeling as though I've never played this game before.  

Two eyes or not, it's simply a terrible feeling.

Hours of practice: 424

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